old
by Stootle
Summary: [resubmission because the typos bugged me][oneshot]Kakashi ponders about the ups and downs of getting old.


--

It was hard, Kakashi decides, being with three twelve-year-old kids.

Or, almost thirteen-year-olds, as they have often corrected him when he introduced them to their clients.

It's so universally different being with them than with being with people his own age. He wasn't used to being the figure of authority. He wasn't used to holding his tongue (he had to supress a laugh when he saw the looks on their faces that followed soon after his kind-of-not-really-quiet-exclamation of "Fuck!" when he had snagged his toenail on a loose floorboard.). He wasn't used to trying to shield the contents of his books from their innocent eyes. He wasn't used to wearing all of his clothes all of the time (he remembered how red Sakura's face was when he walked out of some client's house without his shirt on.). He just... wasn't used to children.

Or, soon-to-be-teenagers, as they were so fond of reminding him.

It was definitely an enlightening experience.

Kakashi had sometimes wondered if he was ever going to settle down and maybe raise a family. Get married, have a kid or two. But, in a sense, it was almost like he had three kids. He was protective of them, and it showed. They always asked permission to go anywhere when they were with him, they asked permission when they wanted to eat junk food (which wasn't really good for their bodies, but, hey, every kid needs their sugar fix, right?), they asked permission for just about everything they did. Even Naruto.

It was rather weird, at first, being in charge of these three little people, but he adapted quickly.

He grew to miss the constant questions and Kakashi-sensei-can-I-please's and even the stupid bickering he had to put up with when they were younger. He missed them all when they all went their seperate ways. Sakura with Tsunade (he was so proud of her. She'd come such a long way from the blushing, love-struck little girl he had first met and looked down upon), Naruto with Jiraiya (he was happy for Naruto; here was someone who knew him better, who could teach him better - who could teach him to be himself and keep smiling that stupid smile that everyone seemed to know him for) and Sasuke with Orochimaru (it hurt, and it hurt a hell of a lot, he'd readily admit that to anyone. What he wouldn't admit to anyone was that he felt--_knew_ that it was all his fault.). He missed them and when they (well, two of them) had come back to him, they had grown up. They were no longer his little kids anymore. They didn't look up at him with bright admiration and awe. They beat the crap out of him, playing on the weaknesses that only they knew.

All of it hurt. All of it, in it's own bittersweet way.

But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It was just a part of getting old.

Old.

That's what Naruto called him, a few times. Alright, maybe more than a few. Old Man Kakashi.

Now, he really feels it.

He could see it in his face when he looked in the mirror every morning, too. His hair had always been grey, of course. Ever since he could remember. But he was seeing (really seeing, though. Not just dismissing it as stress, or whatever. He was seeing) the wrinkles that had deepened around his eyes and mouth, and between his eyebrows. It was getting harder to get up in the morning.

Kakashi is nearing thirty, and he was feeling it.

He's getting old, and he couldn't find a way to slow the process down. And those stupid kids of his just keep reminding him. In fact, the kids all around Konoha were beginning to go beyond his comprehension. The music is taking on an unruly edge. And their clothing...

...Well, maybe that was stretching the truth. A little.

But at least he acknowledged what was happening, and looked it in the eye.

What scares him, though, was the thought of getting old and _dying. _He'd never really given the thought of death much extensive thought, but now he was. The thought of dying of old age still amused him. He was expecting to get assassinated or die fighting or... or get struck by lightning or something, but not of old age. But now it seemed to be a likely possibility. Although, somehow, he could not see himself as an old doddery man, sitting in a rocking chair. When he tried, all he could get was himself looking pissed off. But... dying. Just the whole finality of it. Who would go to his funeral? Who would be crying? Who would be comforting those who were crying? Would anyone come at all? What would he die of? Was there even an afterlife? Why the hell was he fucking concerned about this?

Even with old age, there still weren't any damn answers. Which was supposed to be the good part about getting old, right?

Then where were his _damn answers_? If he was going to do this old business, he wanted to reap the benefits.

But, now, looking back, he wonders if he could've done something different. Perhaps saying something in a different tone, or walking another way, or failing his team instead of passing them. Perhaps if he had done that, none of this would've happened. Then it wouldn't be his fault. Hindsight was a bitch.

Ah, but what was done was done, and you can't change the past, as Kakashi has learned time after time from waking up from his daydreams. Time goes by. He should really stop moping about and make use of himself.

"Kakashi-senseeeeeeei!"

Ah. He would know that trilling voice anywhere. Sakura.

"Good morning, Sakura,"

"Kakashi-sensei, it's past noon! Have you been reading your stupid book all day? Can't you think of anything better to do? Like cleaning your house?"

"My book is not stupid, it's _fine literature_, and my house is perfectly clean, thank-you." He tried to wrestle with her iron grip on my arm. She had always been quite the touchy-feely person, whilst he-- being a ninja for nearly twice (he nearly winced) as long as she has-- physical contact either meant death, or a hindrance. Old habits die hard, yeah?

"Pah, if porn is what you call fine literature, I don't want to see what the poor literature is. And your house... last time I remember, I couldn't even see your floor!" He gives up trying to break her death-grip; she's been trained by Tsunade. As long as she wasn't breaking any of his bones, he could live with Sakura hanging off him. Now, to make the picture complete, maybe Naruto would--

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"

Speak of the devil.

And he was damned if that was Haruno Sakura who whips him out of the way of the airborne Naruto, as if he weighed no more than her pillow. He flails a bit, not being used to being _protected _by his students, let alone other people. Sakura sets him upright, and turns away, but not before he saw the triumphant smile lifting her cheeks. Naruto had not gone sailing straight into the wall as he had grown to expect, but, rather, was standing on a bus-stop sign. The feeling of irritation faded away, replaced by pride. Those were his students, damn it. And they were better than your's, tenfold. Anyone who dared argue with him would be run into the ground by the proud teacher/father that Kakashi was.

"Kakashi-sensei! What're you doing, being tossed around by a girl like that? That's not manly at all!" Naruto scoffed.

"Be careful, Naruto; this girl can break every bone in your body and have no qualms about it," Kakashi warned. He wasn't sure whether he was being more serious than he was joking. Sakura could probably tear down all the buildings in Konoha with her bare hands, if she ever wanted to.

She certainly had come a long way from the little girl who could barely throw a kunai in the right direction. He had done something right, then.

"Oi, old man! What's with that look on your face? You look like you smelled something good."

"Ah, just thinking."

"'Bout what? Your stupid porn again?"

"Nah."

"Then what, Kakashi-sensei?"

"I'm not your sensei anymore, remember? Just Kakashi will do."

"Stop avoiding the question!"

"Avoiding? Me? Nooo"

"Kakashi-sen..._Kakashi_!"

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking about! This is really starting to bug me, old man! I just might have to beat you up!" Naruto brandishes a fist. Kakashi sees more than a few scars on the knuckles.

"Now, is that any way to treat someone, let alone your senior, when you want them to answer a question?"

All of a sudden, that iron death-grip was back, three times stronger than before. He could almost feel his bones grinding together. "Kakashi-san, now I'm curious What were you thinking about?"

"I really don't know why you both have taken such an interest in my-- oow, oow, alright, Sakura, you can stop trying to break my arm, I'll answer your question."

Sakura let go of his arm, and Naruto stopped flailing about. They were both listening with the same expression on their faces.

"I was just thinking of how you guys have gotten older."

"That's it! All that avoiding for a stupid--wait--"

"You're the one who's getting older, Kakashi-sensei! I bet you hide your face because there's so many wrinkles!"

"No, no. You've got it all wrong. I'm... proud of you two. You've come so far from the stupid little kids that--"

"Stupid!"

He couldn't help but laugh. Here he was, about to go off on a sappy tirade about growing up and whatnot, and they decided to go and _ruin _it.

"I'm trying to pay you two a _compliment_!"

"Then how come it still feels like an insult?" Naruto scrunches his face up. The street they're on isn't empty, and they were starting to attract stares. This didn't phase either of his ex-students one bit, though.

"I give up. You two obviously don't know a compliment when you hear one."

"But... you're proud of us?" Sakura looks up at him, a wide smile that he had grown fond of beginning to spread over her face.

"I guess so. You aren't dead, so, I guess that's something to be proud of."

"Dead! What... why would we be _dead_!" Naruto, again, fails to just take a compliment.

"Well, you were pretty loud, early in the morning. And you never paid me back for all that ramen. Sakura, you took an ungodly long time in the shower--"

"WHAT! That ramen was a gift, Kakashi-sensei! _A gift_!--"

"A girl _needs_ that time in the shower to look her best--"

"You were always sleeping in and being _late_, so maybe it was _good_ I was so LOUD--"

"And don't say that I used too much shampoo, either! Because I bet it helped when I didn't look like some _grungy homeless kid_--"

And he laughs. Even as they all got older, some things refused to change. For that, he's glad. Sure, they'd gotten taller and opinions of their own, but they both were still the same people. Sakura is stronger, and she's no longer living in Sasuke's shadow, but Kakashi would bet his porn (_fine literature_, damn it) collection that she still spent an hour in the bathroom, taming every single one of those hairs and pores and whatnot into submission. Naruto had matured, in his own way, and he had learned to let people accept him, instead of forcing himself on people, although he still reeked of ramen, and his clothes looked a little dirty.

It really wasn't all that bad, this getting older business.

Not yet, anyway.


End file.
